...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
