I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
