Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
