You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
