you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
