What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
