I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
