we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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