I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
