Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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