the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
