Tell her she can't have a vagina
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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