the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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