Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
