did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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