somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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