What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Farmville is her only friend.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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