I puked a lego.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
