We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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