Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
