I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Let's get the cat blown out
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
