Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Rumble strips road head = magical
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
