my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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