my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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