I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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