I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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