When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
