You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just pee around me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize