There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
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I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
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The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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