I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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