I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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