ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize