Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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