Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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