Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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