i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
