How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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