either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
