who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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