Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
