we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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