he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
