Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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