hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
