I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
