I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
