he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
All the doctor said was why
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
