Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
