my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
