I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize