oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
