I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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