So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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