The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This baby is an asshole
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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