I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
no, he came in my armpit
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
