i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
how drunk are you?
Several
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
