Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
