I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
