i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
