Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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