my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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