the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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