idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
