So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
