I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
