By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
