I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
