I can tuck mytits in my pants
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
