i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
