The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
