Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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