Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
