I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
