Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
