Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
