I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
