I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
