Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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