I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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