Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
