if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
