It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
