Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
